Six months into motherhood, I was coming to terms with not wanting any more children. One was enough, but then I started changing my mind again with the possibility of having one more when my son Uriah was, at least, five years old. School age. After giving birth to Uriah, 8 weeks later, I had to choose my method of birth control. Celibacy was out of the question, but I chose what was suppose to be the most effective method of birth control. An Intrauterine Device, IUD for short. This was said to be 99.9% effective method. Sure. For old people maybe. Five months after this invasive installation, I had a “feeling”. I was noticing signs that I may be pregnant even though it was very unlikely I was. But the “feeling” was too strong. During this time, my husband was away at Basic Military Training, so my parents were being parents. I wanted snacks. My step-dad gave me twenty dollars and didn’t ask for his change back. Big mistake if you know me. I went to Walmart, picked my snacks, but also bought a pregnancy test. I went home, went straight to the bathroom, peed on the stick and even though the box said “wait two to three minutes for results”, it took seconds before those two pretty in pink lines popped up. I immediately went into denial. Doctors have always said “the morning pee is the best pee”, so naturally I told myself “I’ll just wait til the morning and take it again”.
Morning came. I did the same thing as the night before. Same results. I immediately called the doctors office because this shouldn’t be happening. A blood test was ordered to determine how far along I was and at this point, I was shitting bricks, waiting for the results. I called at least 3 times until I got a callback. The nurse on the phone was talking so fast and telling me what I needed to do next I had to tell her “wait, so then I am pregnant”. She said “yes you are, I’m sorry for talking fast but if we want to get you in for an ultrasound, we need to make the appointment and then I’ll explain everything afterward”, “okay fine”. She tells me I am 6 weeks pregnant. Then she asks me “do you want to keep the pregnancy?”. I didn’t hesitate in telling her that yes I do and even added that “that’s a terrible question to ask, especially since I didn’t make any reference to that being an option”,”I understand but I have to ask”. She tells me I’m at risk for a miscarriage because of the IUD and then BOOM! Worry overwhelms me. The thought of having a miscarriage, even though I didn’t want to be pregnant again so soon, was devastating. But I believe in the power of thoughts, so I tried not to think about it too much. But it was there.
Now, what do I do? I haven’t spoken to my husband since he left which was about a month in, and I haven’t received any letters from him. My best friend, my confidant, my anchor wasn’t around when I needed him the most. But I had my mother. Letting go the fact that she couldn’t take a hint when I was trying to get her alone and out the house so I can tell her the news, we go out to eat at Applebees with my stepdad. She decides to come into my car instead of his because she didn’t want me driving alone. I’m dreading telling her. It was so hard, but I did it. I explained the situation to her, and naturally she becomes a worrisome mom. We have dinner, I tell my stepdad, we go home, I tell my sister and her boyfriend and though there were many left to tell, my husband was the only one I wanted to share this news with. Should I write it in a letter? Do I tell him on the phone when he finally calls? Should I wait until his graduation in Texas to tell him? I didn’t know what to do. Eventually I got the call I’ve been waiting for and the answer to all my questions when I couldn’t hold it in and just told him “I’m pregnant”. He was in shock and the moment we had on the phone was so wonderful and intimate, I wished it was in person. Our call was only 15 minutes and it went by so fast. Hanging up was so hard. There was still so much I needed to say.
I waited to make a public announcement about it because I was so embarrassed. Who wouldn’t feel a little embarrassed getting pregnant six months after giving birth? Except I was more than a little. I was so worried about what people would say, but making the public announcement was just what I needed for support and I got just that. By this time, I was well into misery over this pregnancy. In a matter of weeks, I lost fifteen pounds from all the “morning” sickness. There wasn’t a thing I could keep down. Not even my mother’s delicious arroz con salchichas. Water was a no. Just having a little got me sick. The exhaustion from being sick so much had completely taken over. My mother saw how miserable this pregnancy was making me and she couldn’t have done more to be helpful. I needed soothing just as much as Uriah did. What wasn’t helpful was my doctors appointment. I was depressed and this woman doctor who has no kids, has had no pregnancies, makes a joke. “Well nothing is 100% effective”, I tell her “well apparently it’s not 99% effective either”, “no it is, you’re just the unlucky one percent”. Anger boiled my blood. She assumes this is just such great news for me. The appointment is over, she hugs me and gives her congratulations and leaves the room. I immediately burst into tears. There I was crying my eyes out in the doctors office, alone but I had a son at home with his grandma that needed me, so I wiped my tears, fixed my face and went home to be the mother he needed.
What was next?… my husband was graduating from BMT. I wouldn’t miss that for the world and I wasn’t going to not bring our son who he hadn’t seen in 8 weeks. Boy, that wasn’t easy. 2 long drives, 4 planes, security checks with a stroller, a car seat and a baby, finding my seats, it was all just so much. I still can’t believe I made it through that trip. Fast forwarding some more, my family is reunited. Big yayy! But now migraines kick in and so did the heartburn. This time I refuse to take any medication besides the occasional tylenol. Which my mother believes is the cure for all diseases. But it never helped. I have something stronger now. Now that my husband is home, their still is no time to relax. We must pack for our relocation to California, while dealing with the plans for the babyshower. It took us six very long days to drive from Rhode Island to California. And unfortunately, it took its toll. A blood clot had formed in the deep veins of my thigh. Just one, but very painful. It would have never been found if I didn’t faint in my kitchen and was taken to the emergency room by my husband. The clot was not what made me pass out. It was from being pregnant that did, I got up too quick, got dizzy and lightheaded and down I went. BUT the trip to the ER, and all the amazing staff, I happened to mention the pain in my legs. An ultrasound was done and there it was. I am now 26 weeks pregnant and on a blood thinner in which I have to inject myself twice a day until I give birth. Being pregnant limits the methods of treatment I can get, so this is the best they could do. It doesn’t relieve the pain, though. What does, is walking for a little and the amazing massages my husband gives me. I live with it. Some days it’s worse than others. But I am getting through it.
Why am I sharing my Pregnancy story? Well, most pregnancy stories I’ve heard have been the pregnancy fantasy I mentioned in part 1. I don’t know if they are all true and just saying what everyone wants to hear because pregnancy is supposed to be the most beautiful and fulfilling experience in the world, the realness gets masked. I can’t relate to any of those stories but hopefully, someone could relate to mine. It’s okay to be honest with your feelings. Your emotions are what makes you human. Growing another being is overall beautiful once they are out, but the journey isn’t always beautiful. Pregnancy is long and abusive. No really. Being kicked from the inside and can’t do nothing about it. It changes so much about you. I look forward to meeting my second son Julian. No matter what I had to go through, I will never take it back. He’s another piece of me and my husband that I will bring to the world and the anticipation of his arrival could not be greater. 13 weeks from today. We are so excited. We know that despite the odds, this child was meant to be born. God had a different plan for our family and we are at peace with that.
Thank you for reading ❤
Until next time.