” Faith in God includes faith in his timing” -Neal Maxwell
This is a hard one for me at the moment. I am 38 weeks and 3 days pregnant and my emotions and body are all out of wack. I’m trying to remain strong but I can’t help but to break down when I can’t take the pressure anymore. I am scheduled for an induction, which the doctors have made me feel is my only option after my 38th week, so for the last 2 weeks I have been doing everything I can on every list out there to go into spontaneous labor. I got the OK to try to go into labor on my own before 39 weeks and once I was 38 weeks but that only gives me a week. At this point, the frustration is at an all time high since coming out of Labor and Delivery tonight and only being 1cm dilated and 30% effaced. I am being admitted on Sunday night thus giving me 3 days to go into labor on my own.
As I was in the car driving home from the hospital, the first thing I thought was ” I need a snack, a pick me up. I want M&M’s”. As we arrived to our driveway, in tears, I told my husband that I needed a minute alone. I got out the car, grabbed the baby’s blanket and walked to the playground behind our house. Alone in the playground, I looked up at the sky and saw a bright full moon surrounded by stars and all I could think of was the word “pray”. So out loud I did. “God, what is your purpose? What is your plan with this pregnancy? Why is this so difficult? What do you want from me? Is this what you have been waiting for? For me to call out to you? I need your help. I need to give birth before sunday. I don’t want to be induced.” Then I walked back to the house.
During the short walk back home, a thought crossed my mind. “Trust his timing”. I know from my past experiences that whenever I have trusted in his timing or even doubted his timing, in the end I was not disappointed. But this time it is so hard because what if his timing isn’t the time I want. What if his timing is when I am induced? I need his timing to be before then. I honestly don’t know what the point of this blog is, but it’s almost midnight and this is what’s crossing my mind.
As I am trying to have faith in God’s timing, no matter how difficult it is, in the end my faith in God hasn’t let me down. Trust God. His plans and his purpose is far greater than your own and far more meaningful. I don’t know what his purpose is with this pregnancy, and it freaks me out, but I trust him because he is a God of love and he only wants the best for me and my unborn child.
Signing off 😊