I have this running joke I say when describing most situations in my life right now and that is “I’ve been pregnant for two years.” Obviously, that is an exaggeration and clearly impossible. Before ever being pregnant, I had this beautiful view of what I thought pregnancy would be like. The beautiful belly, feeling the baby kick and move, getting so much attention, the baby shower, etc. You know all the beautiful things that are portrayed in movies. When I became pregnant with my first son, I was in total shock. I was alone in the doctor’s office for my annual physical when I found out. No one was holding my hand, no one hugged me, and when I was told “Congratulations” that was not something I wanted to hear at the moment. I was more nervous about the reaction of my husband and family because even though I had already been married for a year and did want to start a family eventually, I was also only 18 years old, still living with my mother, trying to start school, trying to save money, and trying to continue playing softball for college. I just wasn’t ready and neither was my husband being that we were on the same path and having the same goals.
I remember finishing up my appointment and sitting next to this lady in the office who was waiting to check out as well. It was only she and I in those chairs, no one was around so I asked her “do you have any children?”, she said, “yes I do”. I then asked her “how did you tell the father?”, she then went on telling me how she told him and then she asked me “are you pregnant?”, I told her “5 weeks, I just found out”. “Should I congratulate you?” She asked. I told her “I’m not sure”. We talked for about 5 to 10 minutes in total. She told me “make a dinner, pour some wine and gradually just let it out”. After telling her I’m underage, and her joking that it’s too late to follow the rules, we ended the conversation with her telling me “congratulations, you will be okay and so will he”.
I will never forget this conversation and I will never understand why it was so special to me but it was. It put me at ease and I started thinking of all the special ways to tell my husband. I told him, but that’s another story. Fast forwarding, some weeks later into my new profound news, the morning sickness started. Normal right? No. It wasn’t for me. I was working at Walmart at the time and mostly started in the morning, it was summertime and I walked to work about 15 minutes. In the sun, it felt like hours. While at work I was always on the verge of being sick and I was a cashier so imagine that scenario. Well, I no longer had to imagine it when I was helping a customer at self check-out when I puked all over the floor and partially on the register. It was embarrassing. I smelled like vomit, I watched as someone else cleaned it up, the customer was late for work, I had to wait until my scheduling manager arrived to be excused for the day.
I eventually quit my job, a mutual decision between my husband and me. I was dealing with the “morning” sickness all day and while at work would have moments where I felt myself blacking out. This lasted until I was 20 weeks pregnant! That’s 5 months!! After getting through that, the heartburn I faced next was so bad I had to take medication which included one of the worst possible side effects. “Lose of sex drive”. Devastating. Too young for that. At this point, I felt unattractive and slummy. The “beautiful belly” I thought I would have was now covered in deep red stretch marks that extended all throughout my belly and only continued to get worse as I continued to grow into a pumpkin. I couldn’t sleep without having to use the bathroom more than 2 times in the middle of the night, I couldn’t put my socks on, I couldn’t see my toes, I couldn’t walk up the stairs without sounding like a wheezing elephant, so as expected, my Pregnancy fantasy was shattered into a zillion pieces. Don’t get me wrong, I did have beautiful moments. But it was just moments. Eventually, even the kicks were bothersome. The most beautiful part of this pregnancy was the birth and finally meeting my 7lb 3oz, and 19-inch long baby boy, Uriah.
So imagine the surprise when I found out I was pregnant again.